A Conversation With YOU

God,

Things have been going on endlessly. I can't help the feeling that my life is going to stay the same way, boring and non-developing in a time of need or crisis. Everybody needs a little excitement in their lives, right? Am I the exception? I've learned to deal with doing the same things over and over, but, by doing that, I've somewhat isolated myself from the rest of the world. I don't know what it is, but people have been annoying me more and more lately. I talked to my mom last night, and obviously you know this, and I told her that I thought myself better off alone, and yet I was lonely. I heard it from her that I don't deserve to be alone, nor am I better off that way, but it's difficult for me to believe that when this is the way it's been for months now. I know their are things that I have to do, and things that I should do, or at least consider, but these things have gotten in the way of everything I really feel. Is it possible to go through the motions and become numb, almost as if you wish to not feel anything at all? Because I believe that's how I've been sometimes. I'll look outside, and I'll become so absorbed in the smallest things, for example, a bird pecking away at the ground and then flying up into a tree, and I won't do a thing more. A couple weeks ago I was outside, trying to think of something that would be interesting. I sat down on the ground, right in the middle of a grassy car drive to a bee farm, and I noticed a small ant trying to tug a large ant away. It was struggling for the longest amount of time, jut pulling, getting back on its hind legs on a blade of grass, and trying to pry loose the ant from what it was attached to. It was amusing.
I guess I learned something from that; even what may seem small and insignificant, is actually very important, and can entertain. It made me think of my own problems. When I've pushed them aside and felt like they were non-important matters, that's when I was trying to please someone else, and fix their issues instead of my own. And last night, when I was watching that movie, getting absorbed in it for the umpteenth time, I suddenly started thinking over my life, and what it meant to me. And that's when everything just kind of clicked; the puzzle pieces were connected, and I understood that you do love me, and you have been here for me all along, I've just been too blind to notice. Thank you for that. I need to learn to let go of the anger I'm holding inside, and also to get rid of the selfishness, and bad ways that don't lead me to the path You're on. God, I ask that You help me, and guide me. Let me come to You once again, and let our bonds be stronger this time around. Help me find the courage to live my life with happiness and to loosen the holds of sadness and depression, for only You are capable of this, Lord. Have me find the strength to share my struggles and gains to the world, to show an example of where You can get someone in life. I ask this of You, Jesus, and in Your name I pray,
Amen.

I was speaking to God. For all who think this is strange, and different for you, email me at chelisawonders@gmail.com. I can explain to you all of God's powers, and there I can also build my courage and strength, to let people know of my faith.

-Chelisa